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Bacon's the best, even the frying of bacon sounds like an applause.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Like
Frying
Bacon
Applause
Sounds
Sound
Best
Even

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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Every now and then I'll read a book, I'll be so proud of myself, I'll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, Hey Jim, how ya do- I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages! That's great, what was it about? No idea! Took me three years!
Jim Gaffigan
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In Indiana, I wasn't anything special. But in New York, I've gone out with girls with purple hair who go out with me because I'm exotic!
Jim Gaffigan
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Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.
Jim Gaffigan
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How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.
Jim Gaffigan
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My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
Jim Gaffigan
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Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?
Jim Gaffigan
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I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back in the late '90s, I think. You had to remove the curse words, or you couldn't do some of the more explicit jokes.
Jim Gaffigan
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Some fast food places, they have that ketchup pump. It's like a keg. They give you the paper shot glass. I always like to hang around there, try and meet the ladies. Here, I'll pump for you. You come to this Wendy's often? My roommate and I, we got a pony pump back at my dorm. Here's an extra shot
Jim Gaffigan
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I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.
Jim Gaffigan
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Babies, they learn how to walk and they are already trying to run away. You can't reach the doorknob, you only know us, think it through.
Jim Gaffigan
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Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.
Jim Gaffigan
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How did we get to the point where we're paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over in France. Some French guy's sitting there, like, How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.
Jim Gaffigan
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I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.
Jim Gaffigan
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For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.
Jim Gaffigan
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My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
Jim Gaffigan
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When I'm in touch with the idea that there is a higher power and that there is, you know, other factors at work, it - it kind of quells my narcissism.
Jim Gaffigan
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That's not to say that I'm a well-informed Catholic. I'm still in idiot.
Jim Gaffigan
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When you have five little kids, you're not going to open Mindy Kaling's latest book. You're playing with your kids.
Jim Gaffigan
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My whole comic persona is that of a guy who explores the id: I romanticize gluttony, I romanticize laziness, and people identify with that.
Jim Gaffigan
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I really don't care about birthdays. It's something where even as a kid, I never really felt comfortable when someone would sing to me.
Jim Gaffigan