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Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
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More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
I would make sweet love to Don Rickles.
Jim Gaffigan
Thanksgiving, you know - Thanksgiving - it's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is we overeat.
Jim Gaffigan
Boutique hotels are great, but they get too cute. Some hotels have shoe polish. It's like, come on, this isn't 1960. No one's polishing their shoes.
Jim Gaffigan
I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like Bottled water! Haha, they're selling bottled water! ... I guess I'll try it. Ah, this is good, this is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it.
Jim Gaffigan
I was raised in a family where my father was the first one to go to college.
Jim Gaffigan
I do have some Catholic stuff that is done from the perspective of an ignorant Catholic. But other than that, topic-wise, there's nothing really filthy.
Jim Gaffigan
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.
Jim Gaffigan
There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.
Jim Gaffigan
I think the worst professional advice I received was this kind of unspoken message of sit back and wait your turn, or sit back and wait and let other people do things.
Jim Gaffigan
There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
Jim Gaffigan
I would say some of the food I talk about that I really enjoy, like cake and bacon, I eat a lot less than I portray in my act. But that stuff that I dislike, it's pretty sincere.
Jim Gaffigan
Babies, they learn how to walk and they are already trying to run away. You can't reach the doorknob, you only know us, think it through.
Jim Gaffigan
I'd been acting and doing stand-up in New York about eight years, getting rejected, and I finally got the opportunity to do stand-up on Letterman, which holds even more importance for me. With comedians, that's definitely the pinnacle, but being from Indiana, it was a big to-do.
Jim Gaffigan
Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much.
Jim Gaffigan
You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! Hey I got a - who cares.
Jim Gaffigan
Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.
Jim Gaffigan
Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
Jim Gaffigan
I spent most of my adult life essentially agnostic or an atheist.
Jim Gaffigan
Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?
Jim Gaffigan
Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and criticism become writers, actors, or comedians? There's something about this process. I joke about it: My kids have made me a better person, and I only need, like, 34 more of them to be a really good guy.
Jim Gaffigan
