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I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm gonna start blowin crap up. It's what the founding fathers would want.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Start
Burgers
Energy
Steak
Father
July
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Founding
Needs
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Fathers
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Burger
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Brat
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
Other people's children's birthday parties are the most joyful events you will ever resent having to attend.
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Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.
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Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant.
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I was raised in a family where my father was the first one to go to college.
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Faith is something that's - it's hard to articulate. It's - there's - it's not based on logic.
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It's amazing how email has changed our lives. You ever get a handwritten letter in the mail today? 'What the? Has someone been kidnapped?'
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Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in the kitchen.
Jim Gaffigan
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing cynicism among all Hoosiers.
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Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta.
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Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?
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Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldnt it be hysterical if we went bowling?
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That's my private business. Besides, the perception is that people that believe in God are stupid.
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I like bowling. It's just one of those things where I can do so many jokes about it because I do know bowling. Somebody once said, The whitest things in the world are Jim Gaffigan and bowling.
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Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you.
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I would say that now I'm somebody who goes to church.
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Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling.
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A lot of the teachings really kind of keep me grounded.
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You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?
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Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.
Jim Gaffigan
Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you can be a genius, you try and write a postcard you come across like a moron anyway: 'This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye.'
Jim Gaffigan