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Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Hell
People
Annoy
Thanksgiving
Annoying

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They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always treats you like you're taking from his personal stash. Looks like my kids aren't having ketchup tonight.
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I think I grew up with the idea that God was a punishing being, constructed around rules.
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I'd have to say Sunset Salsa. Nothing against Honey Lime, but it's for losers.
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What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'
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On MySpace ... the whole demographic of the stand-up comedy fan has changed. It's like an indie band thing. People think they've discovered you.
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I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.
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Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work toward.
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It's amazing how email has changed our lives. You ever get a handwritten letter in the mail today? 'What the? Has someone been kidnapped?'
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It's like in most parts of America, where there was industry and there is no longer there is cynicism mixed with sarcasm and some optimism. That's how my background influenced my comedy.
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A lot of people are like, You're doing commercials? And I honestly feel like those Sierra Mist commercials are better than a lot of sitcoms I get offered. It's hard work, and I'm paid a lot of money, and I do it because I love the soda.
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There are some people who know who I am but there are a lot of people that have no idea who I am - which is not to say that that's a bad thing.
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My whole comic persona is that of a guy who explores the id: I romanticize gluttony, I romanticize laziness, and people identify with that.
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For stand-up comedians that go onstage and get to write and perform and direct, and do all these things, the allure of a television show is still there but if it doesn't offer a level of creative fulfillment, it's oddly unappealing.
Jim Gaffigan
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“Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldn’t it be hysterical if we went bowling?”
Jim Gaffigan
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You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?
Jim Gaffigan
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If I was on an airplane, the people in coach would know who I am. But no one in first class would know.
Jim Gaffigan
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I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins. You sure? Trust me. Just do it son!
Jim Gaffigan
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I do have some Catholic stuff that is done from the perspective of an ignorant Catholic. But other than that, topic-wise, there's nothing really filthy.
Jim Gaffigan
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There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
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Don't take this the wrong way but I care more and I'm a better online friend than you. I also spend way to much time online.
Jim Gaffigan