Quote

How'd we come up with the robe? Was some guy just like, 'Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't we make a coat out of a towel? You can have a little belt that goes around. You could dunk the belt in the toilet! Have a toilet belt.'

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Little
Coats
Towel
Come
Hey
Towels
Make
Goes
Robes
Like
Guy
Toilet
Idea
Belt
Around
Coat
Littles
Toilets
Dunk
Ideas
Belts
Robe

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I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.
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The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?
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Some people that work for Hot Pockets came to my Denver Paramount Theater show. They brought these hot pocket boxes the size of suit cases for me to sign. I wrote these are WMD's on the boxes. The HP people seem to have a good sense of humor about all of it.
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Boutique hotels are great, but they get too cute. Some hotels have shoe polish. It's like, come on, this isn't 1960. No one's polishing their shoes.
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We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let’s use two donuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle. Here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!’
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As an actor, you deal with so much rejection and humiliation. When the good things come around, you tend not to trust your instincts.
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Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.
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What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?
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In Indiana, I wasn't anything special. But in New York, I've gone out with girls with purple hair who go out with me because I'm exotic!
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I just want to be known as funny.
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I would say that now I'm somebody who goes to church.
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Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.
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My kids are always awake. It's they're taking shifts. 'Alright, I'll annoy 'em from midnight to . Who wants to ?'
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Is there a homeless guy built in to the design of Dunkin' Donuts? ...There'll be an entrance here... a deranged lunatic here.
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There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.
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Faith is something that's - it's hard to articulate. It's - there's - it's not based on logic.
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I don't think comedians make an active decision to be a certain persona. Comedians write the way they're going to write.
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I think being a doctor is really hard, and it's really this thankless, never-ending job. It's not even that you get done with a project. There are always sick people.
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When I started stand-up - and this is in the '90s - there was definitely people hadn't watched decades of Comedy Central, where people are really much more educated on stand-up comedy.
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In stand up, you get an awareness of how you come across, but in acting there is almost a hyper-awareness on how you might be physically perceived.
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