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Lean Pockets, I don't even wanna know what's in those. I wonder what the directions are on a box of Lean Pockets: 'Remove from box, place directly in toilet.' Flush Pocket!
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Directly
Flush
Remove
Toilet
Boxes
Toilets
Wonder
Directions
Place
Lean
Even
Pocket
Wanna
Pockets
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
I didn't choose to be the guy who talks about the mundane - it's just who I am and it's what kind of works for me.
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Once you identify yourself as believing something, you open yourself to ridicule.
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I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.
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My kids are always awake. It's they're taking shifts. 'Alright, I'll annoy 'em from midnight to . Who wants to ?'
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I don't want people to think I believe in God.
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There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
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Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.
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Jesus if you could cure our son's blindness that'd be great... And we'd love some shelves over there.
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Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?
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It's so obvious The Weather Channel is pro hurricane. Fair and balanced my ass.
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It took me a long time to understand not to get caught up in other people's expectations. It really comes down to creative fulfillment. It took me a while to realize I don't want to just be on a show to be on a show.
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I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.
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It's kind of hard to articulate, but, like, this notion of mercy, forgiveness, was very appealing for me. It was very profound. And it had a deep impact, and I think it still does.
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It's not as if ten years ago, we were like, 'I wish I could take low quality photos of my dessert.'
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Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
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I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like Bottled water! Haha, they're selling bottled water! ... I guess I'll try it. Ah, this is good, this is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it.
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I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest. And I knew people of different faiths and people that were atheists and people that were agnostic.
Jim Gaffigan
Weight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.
Jim Gaffigan
I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.
Jim Gaffigan
I do want everyone to feel comfortable. That's why I'd like to talk to you about Jesus.
Jim Gaffigan