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Other people's children's birthday parties are the most joyful events you will ever resent having to attend.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Birthday
Events
Party
Ever
Children
Resent
People
Attend
Joyful
Parties

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The question is the primary form of communication for little kids.
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Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?
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I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.
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I guess the reasons against having more children always seem uninspiring and superficial. What exactly am I missing out on? Money? A few more hours of sleep? A more peaceful meal? More hair? These are nothing compared to what I get from these five monsters who rule my life.
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I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?
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I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing cynicism among all Hoosiers.
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It's so obvious The Weather Channel is pro hurricane. Fair and balanced my ass.
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I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
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You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! Hey I got a - who cares.
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I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that one the female?
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I'm a weirdo that goes on stage to make strangers laugh, but if I wasn't working, I would just want to be with my wife and kids. I don't even think I'd want to go out to dinner.
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I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.
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I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.
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For stand-up comedians that go onstage and get to write and perform and direct, and do all these things, the allure of a television show is still there but if it doesn't offer a level of creative fulfillment, it's oddly unappealing.
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I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.
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There are a lot of good looking men on this planet. It seems like once a week someone will tell me, I know someone who looks like you and I don't know what say to them except, Tell them hi.
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It's amazing how email has changed our lives. You ever get a handwritten letter in the mail today? 'What the? Has someone been kidnapped?'
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I'm not saying that McDonald's gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but in retrospect, the timing is kind of suspicious.
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I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.
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In stand up, you get an awareness of how you come across, but in acting there is almost a hyper-awareness on how you might be physically perceived.
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