Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Other people's children's birthday parties are the most joyful events you will ever resent having to attend.
Jim Gaffigan
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Party
Ever
Children
Resent
People
Attend
Joyful
Parties
Birthday
Events
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much.
Jim Gaffigan
You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! Hey I got a - who cares.
Jim Gaffigan
Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?
Jim Gaffigan
I'd have to say Sunset Salsa. Nothing against Honey Lime, but it's for losers.
Jim Gaffigan
Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.
Jim Gaffigan
I just want to be known as funny.
Jim Gaffigan
Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in the kitchen.
Jim Gaffigan
The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.
Jim Gaffigan
I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.
Jim Gaffigan
Babies, they learn how to walk and they are already trying to run away. You can't reach the doorknob, you only know us, think it through.
Jim Gaffigan
My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
Jim Gaffigan
On MySpace ... the whole demographic of the stand-up comedy fan has changed. It's like an indie band thing. People think they've discovered you.
Jim Gaffigan
I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.
Jim Gaffigan
Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta.
Jim Gaffigan
I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.
Jim Gaffigan
I think the worst professional advice I received was this kind of unspoken message of sit back and wait your turn, or sit back and wait and let other people do things.
Jim Gaffigan
The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.
Jim Gaffigan
Steakhouses sort of have this old-school nature to them they're like museums full of good food. It's fun hearing the waiter share his expertise on the different cuts of beef and how they're going to cut up your baked potato.
Jim Gaffigan
After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!
Jim Gaffigan
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work toward.
Jim Gaffigan
