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I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
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Parenting
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Acting
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes weren't done or that I was using, for me, the curse words as kind of a crutch. So then I just started writing.
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I've always been somebody that it takes me longer to learn things, but once I learn them... I'm like a quarterback that plays best in the fourth quarter.
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There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.
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I don't know if I'm the husky guy, but I'm the sexy guy who's a good kisser .
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A lot of the teachings really kind of keep me grounded.
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I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It's very personal, stylistically.
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The whole idea of comedy, there is nothing normal about going up on stage to make strangers laugh. But I'm also not an exhibitionist like other comics. I'm not up there talking about masturbating.
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It's amazing how email has changed our lives. You ever get a handwritten letter in the mail today? 'What the? Has someone been kidnapped?'
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Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work toward.
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My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.
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All I want to do is be a good dad, but I'm pretty bad at it.
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I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing cynicism among all Hoosiers.
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Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.
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Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?
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Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: I still live near you! The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.
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I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.
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Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.
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I went to a Catholic University and there's something about being a Catholic-American. You know, St. Patrick's Day is, I'm Irish-Catholic. There's alcoholism in my family. It's like I've got to be Catholic, right?
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Babies, they learn how to walk and they are already trying to run away. You can't reach the doorknob, you only know us, think it through.
Jim Gaffigan
