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Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Kids
Thankless
May
Sucks
Raising
Ridiculous
Pay
Least
Hours
Jobs

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I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.
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My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.
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I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that one the female?
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Thanksgiving, you know - Thanksgiving - it's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is we overeat.
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Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, Take that, Lipitor.
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There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
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Most of my material is , it doesn't necessarily involve a lot of editing. So even the show with the World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia, I don't have to worry about some of the material being inappropriate.
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Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?
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They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always treats you like you're taking from his personal stash. Looks like my kids aren't having ketchup tonight.
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That's my private business. Besides, the perception is that people that believe in God are stupid.
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But in Indiana it's not like New York where everyone's like, 'We're from New York and we're the best' or 'We're from Texas and we like things big' it's more like 'We're from Indiana and we're gonna move.
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I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm gonna start blowin crap up. It's what the founding fathers would want.
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I smoke crack. I get all my dancers together and we do a prayer.
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In Indiana, I wasn't anything special. But in New York, I've gone out with girls with purple hair who go out with me because I'm exotic!
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I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest. And I knew people of different faiths and people that were atheists and people that were agnostic.
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Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
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I always want my standup act to appeal to everybody in the room, and when I started standup, and I would see people talk about their kids and their wife, and I'd always cringe a little bit, like, 'I can't get a date, I don't know what you're talking about.'
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I spent most of my adult life essentially agnostic or an atheist.
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Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate... being alone.
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I love writing stand-up so much and tinkering and looking for ideas.
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