Quote

Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Come
Thankfulness
Even
Thanksgiving
Trying
Annoying
Every
Hey
Like
Drunk
People
Tradition
Hell
Overeat
Didn
Annoy

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Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.
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Comics write to their point of view. If you're an exceedingly irreverent comedian, you've got to see where that point of view fits or produces the most funny.
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It's kind of hard to articulate, but, like, this notion of mercy, forgiveness, was very appealing for me. It was very profound. And it had a deep impact, and I think it still does.
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Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, Take that, Lipitor.
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I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'
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I do have some Catholic stuff that is done from the perspective of an ignorant Catholic. But other than that, topic-wise, there's nothing really filthy.
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My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.
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Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?
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I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.
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Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
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They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always treats you like you're taking from his personal stash. Looks like my kids aren't having ketchup tonight.
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Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work toward.
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We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let’s use two donuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle. Here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!’
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I'm a weirdo that goes on stage to make strangers laugh, but if I wasn't working, I would just want to be with my wife and kids. I don't even think I'd want to go out to dinner.
Jim Gaffigan
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My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
Jim Gaffigan
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My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
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I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.
Jim Gaffigan
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I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.
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Television's very much a writer's medium, as it probably should be, but if you're not the writer, then as the performer, you defer to that. It's just kind of how it's constructed. Is there some leeway? Yeah. But I also don't want to come across as a jerk.
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I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.
Jim Gaffigan