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Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Mean
Always
Goodnight
Think
Daddy
Thinking
Whenever
Dad
Says
Father
Children
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That's not to say that I'm a well-informed Catholic. I'm still in idiot.
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Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.
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It took me a long time to understand not to get caught up in other people's expectations. It really comes down to creative fulfillment. It took me a while to realize I don't want to just be on a show to be on a show.
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Weight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.
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Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'
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How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.
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Don't take this the wrong way but I care more and I'm a better online friend than you. I also spend way to much time online.
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I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.
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Once you identify yourself as believing something, you open yourself to ridicule.
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It's good to be back in New York. I have lived here ten years. I'm originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana: Mafia. But the fact of the matter is where I grew up there was something very similar to the Mafia: 4-H.
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I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.
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The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you're either given way too much respect, like people saying, You should be the head of the sitcom! Or you're given no respect, where they're like, You should audition to be the garbage man that lives four houses down.
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I don't think comedians make an active decision to be a certain persona. Comedians write the way they're going to write.
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We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let’s use two donuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle. Here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!’
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Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta.
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Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive.' 'I'll have the bologna sandwich - dirty.'
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My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.
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Bacon's the best, even the frying of bacon sounds like an applause.
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How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.
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The question is the primary form of communication for little kids.
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