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Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Always
Goodnight
Think
Daddy
Thinking
Whenever
Dad
Says
Father
Children
Mean
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
I'm an eccentric, silly, observational guy, but I'm not gonna frighten off social conservatives.
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I feel guilty if I'm not reading books, but I read scripts of movies or things that I know I'm committed to that I'm going to do the project. I tell myself, I'm going to read this script like six times, and I only read it the initial time.
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I'm much more interested in making people laugh than getting applause breaks.
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There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.
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My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
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Don't you expect a rainbow coming out of the tub of bacon strips at the end of the buffet line?
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On MySpace ... the whole demographic of the stand-up comedy fan has changed. It's like an indie band thing. People think they've discovered you.
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How did we get to the point where we're paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over in France. Some French guy's sitting there, like, How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.
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Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much.
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I always want my standup act to appeal to everybody in the room, and when I started standup, and I would see people talk about their kids and their wife, and I'd always cringe a little bit, like, 'I can't get a date, I don't know what you're talking about.'
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I was always told that Hoosier came from when settlers in the state, when a stranger came on their property they'd say, Who's there? Who's there? So people that were from Indiana were the people that said Who's there? But what do I know? I don't read or interact with people outside the Internet.
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I think it's important to control your opportunities, because in the entertainment world, it's not up to you. I'm not sitting here under this naïve belief that someone in Hollywood is going, Gaffigan! What kind of a show can I build around him? So you have to find things that can showcase your point of view.
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What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?
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The whole idea of comedy, there is nothing normal about going up on stage to make strangers laugh. But I'm also not an exhibitionist like other comics. I'm not up there talking about masturbating.
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I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing cynicism among all Hoosiers.
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I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.
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That's my private business. Besides, the perception is that people that believe in God are stupid.
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It's amazing how email has changed our lives. You ever get a handwritten letter in the mail today? 'What the? Has someone been kidnapped?'
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I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.
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I like that in my audiences, there's a lesbian couple sitting next to a Mormon family.
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