Quote

There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Happy
Song
Father
Keep
Children
Fatherhood
Dad
Sleep

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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Stand-up is so rewarding, and I enjoy the acting opportunities I've had, but the only time I really feel bad is when I feel like I have this manufactured belief that I should be doing something else or there should be some type of recognition. On an intellectual level, I know it's stupid.
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Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?
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I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm gonna start blowin crap up. It's what the founding fathers would want.
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If I was on an airplane, the people in coach would know who I am. But no one in first class would know.
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Babies, they learn how to walk and they are already trying to run away. You can't reach the doorknob, you only know us, think it through.
Jim Gaffigan
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I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'
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Comics write to their point of view. If you're an exceedingly irreverent comedian, you've got to see where that point of view fits or produces the most funny.
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My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
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I think I grew up with the idea that God was a punishing being, constructed around rules.
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I went to a Catholic University and there's something about being a Catholic-American. You know, St. Patrick's Day is, I'm Irish-Catholic. There's alcoholism in my family. It's like I've got to be Catholic, right?
Jim Gaffigan
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Who was the first person to walk into a harbor and say, Whatever that horrible smell is I want to eat it
Jim Gaffigan
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Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.
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You ever buy a book and not read it? You feel almost guilty having it up on a bookshelf. People are like, Hey, how's that book? I haven't read it. Oh, did you just buy it? I've had it since high school. Well, can I borrow it? No.
Jim Gaffigan
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You could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.
Jim Gaffigan
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Meredith Baxter Birney gets beaten by a rod, in the Lifetime Original, Rod.
Jim Gaffigan
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That's not to say that I'm a well-informed Catholic. I'm still in idiot.
Jim Gaffigan
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My kids are always awake. It's they're taking shifts. 'Alright, I'll annoy 'em from midnight to . Who wants to ?'
Jim Gaffigan
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I've had plenty of friends tell me that their first time doing stand-up, they do well, and then they tank for a while after that. Kind of like the first time you do a drug, you're like, Huh! This is pretty darn good, and then you spend all your money trying to get the same high.
Jim Gaffigan
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There are a lot of good looking men on this planet. It seems like once a week someone will tell me, I know someone who looks like you and I don't know what say to them except, Tell them hi.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jesus if you could cure our son's blindness that'd be great... And we'd love some shelves over there.
Jim Gaffigan