Quote

There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Dad
Sleep
Happy
Song
Father
Keep
Children
Fatherhood

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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I think comedians get too much credit or too much criticism for the style of comedy they do, and they generally do the style of comedy that works for them. [...] There's no kind of shrewd calculation going into the type of standup we all do. It's like David Cross is supposed to be doing the David Cross' type of standup.
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You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. 'Ah, the book was much better than the movie.' Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.
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Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?
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I think I have a lot of voices in my head and I guess my inner critic is a female.
Jim Gaffigan
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People treat having a kid as somehow retiring from success. Quitting. Have you seen a baby? They’re pretty cute. Loving them is pretty easy. Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant. Being happy is really the definition of success, isn’t it?
Jim Gaffigan
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Nursery schools and bars at 2 a.m. are the only places where it is completely normal if someone just spontaneously throws up on the floor...and just like a toddler, the bar patron wakes up the next day not remembering or caring how they behaved.
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There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.
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Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much.
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I'm a weirdo that goes on stage to make strangers laugh, but if I wasn't working, I would just want to be with my wife and kids. I don't even think I'd want to go out to dinner.
Jim Gaffigan
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The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.
Jim Gaffigan
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As an actor, you deal with so much rejection and humiliation. When the good things come around, you tend not to trust your instincts.
Jim Gaffigan
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Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.
Jim Gaffigan
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The whole idea of comedy, there is nothing normal about going up on stage to make strangers laugh. But I'm also not an exhibitionist like other comics. I'm not up there talking about masturbating.
Jim Gaffigan
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I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest. And I knew people of different faiths and people that were atheists and people that were agnostic.
Jim Gaffigan
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I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.
Jim Gaffigan
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Babies, they learn how to walk and they are already trying to run away. You can't reach the doorknob, you only know us, think it through.
Jim Gaffigan
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Other people's children's birthday parties are the most joyful events you will ever resent having to attend.
Jim Gaffigan
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Bacon's the best, even the frying of bacon sounds like an applause.
Jim Gaffigan
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Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.
Jim Gaffigan
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I'm an eccentric, silly, observational guy, but I'm not gonna frighten off social conservatives.
Jim Gaffigan