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Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Food
Community
Like
Bacon
Fairy
Dust
Bits

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let’s use two donuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle. Here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!’
Jim Gaffigan
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When I started stand-up - and this is in the '90s - there was definitely people hadn't watched decades of Comedy Central, where people are really much more educated on stand-up comedy.
Jim Gaffigan
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Entertainers Of Faith, funnyman Jim Gaffigan isn't ashamed of his Catholicism. He's seen here leaving a New York comedy club with his Bible in hand.
Jim Gaffigan
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Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!
Jim Gaffigan
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I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It's very personal, stylistically.
Jim Gaffigan
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I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that one the female?
Jim Gaffigan
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My kids are so dramatically different, but it's not like I would trade one in or like there's one I would pick over the other ones. I know that sounds like I'm bullshitting. I also have five of them so I barely know them.
Jim Gaffigan
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Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.
Jim Gaffigan
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If I was on an airplane, the people in coach would know who I am. But no one in first class would know.
Jim Gaffigan
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I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
Jim Gaffigan
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You ever buy a book and not read it? You feel almost guilty having it up on a bookshelf. People are like, Hey, how's that book? I haven't read it. Oh, did you just buy it? I've had it since high school. Well, can I borrow it? No.
Jim Gaffigan
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Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive.' 'I'll have the bologna sandwich - dirty.'
Jim Gaffigan
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Stand-up is so rewarding, and I enjoy the acting opportunities I've had, but the only time I really feel bad is when I feel like I have this manufactured belief that I should be doing something else or there should be some type of recognition. On an intellectual level, I know it's stupid.
Jim Gaffigan
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Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate... being alone.
Jim Gaffigan
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When you have five little kids, you're not going to open Mindy Kaling's latest book. You're playing with your kids.
Jim Gaffigan
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On MySpace ... the whole demographic of the stand-up comedy fan has changed. It's like an indie band thing. People think they've discovered you.
Jim Gaffigan
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Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you can be a genius, you try and write a postcard you come across like a moron anyway: 'This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye.'
Jim Gaffigan
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I love writing stand-up so much and tinkering and looking for ideas.
Jim Gaffigan
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The question is the primary form of communication for little kids.
Jim Gaffigan
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I was able to make the jump to theaters without having a TV show. My passion for getting a TV show just plummeted. It was like I had already achieved what I wanted to achieve.
Jim Gaffigan