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Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Great
German
Sins
Christmas
Thanks
Sin
Yeah
Sandals
Dying
Socks
Right
Sock
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
I smoke crack. I get all my dancers together and we do a prayer.
Jim Gaffigan
You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! Hey I got a - who cares.
Jim Gaffigan
There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.
Jim Gaffigan
I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.
Jim Gaffigan
My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape.
Jim Gaffigan
There are some people who know who I am but there are a lot of people that have no idea who I am - which is not to say that that's a bad thing.
Jim Gaffigan
I'm a weirdo that goes on stage to make strangers laugh, but if I wasn't working, I would just want to be with my wife and kids. I don't even think I'd want to go out to dinner.
Jim Gaffigan
Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.
Jim Gaffigan
There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
Jim Gaffigan
Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
Jim Gaffigan
I was able to make the jump to theaters without having a TV show. My passion for getting a TV show just plummeted. It was like I had already achieved what I wanted to achieve.
Jim Gaffigan
You could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.
Jim Gaffigan
A lot of people are like, You're doing commercials? And I honestly feel like those Sierra Mist commercials are better than a lot of sitcoms I get offered. It's hard work, and I'm paid a lot of money, and I do it because I love the soda.
Jim Gaffigan
Stand-up is so rewarding, and I enjoy the acting opportunities I've had, but the only time I really feel bad is when I feel like I have this manufactured belief that I should be doing something else or there should be some type of recognition. On an intellectual level, I know it's stupid.
Jim Gaffigan
I'm an eccentric, silly, observational guy, but I'm not gonna frighten off social conservatives.
Jim Gaffigan
Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.
Jim Gaffigan
If I was on an airplane, the people in coach would know who I am. But no one in first class would know.
Jim Gaffigan
I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.
Jim Gaffigan
Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!
Jim Gaffigan
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?
Jim Gaffigan
