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I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
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More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?
Jim Gaffigan
Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?
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Boutique hotels are great, but they get too cute. Some hotels have shoe polish. It's like, come on, this isn't 1960. No one's polishing their shoes.
Jim Gaffigan
I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.
Jim Gaffigan
People treat having a kid as somehow retiring from success. Quitting. Have you seen a baby? They’re pretty cute. Loving them is pretty easy. Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant. Being happy is really the definition of success, isn’t it?
Jim Gaffigan
I got up early because I wanted to. - Nobody
Jim Gaffigan
The hardest part of the day is all the stuff after I open my eyes in the morning.
Jim Gaffigan
I love writing stand-up so much and tinkering and looking for ideas.
Jim Gaffigan
I'd have to say Sunset Salsa. Nothing against Honey Lime, but it's for losers.
Jim Gaffigan
You ever buy a book and not read it? You feel almost guilty having it up on a bookshelf. People are like, Hey, how's that book? I haven't read it. Oh, did you just buy it? I've had it since high school. Well, can I borrow it? No.
Jim Gaffigan
You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?
Jim Gaffigan
You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.
Jim Gaffigan
I don't know if I'm the husky guy, but I'm the sexy guy who's a good kisser .
Jim Gaffigan
I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.
Jim Gaffigan
Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and criticism become writers, actors, or comedians? There's something about this process. I joke about it: My kids have made me a better person, and I only need, like, 34 more of them to be a really good guy.
Jim Gaffigan
The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you're either given way too much respect, like people saying, You should be the head of the sitcom! Or you're given no respect, where they're like, You should audition to be the garbage man that lives four houses down.
Jim Gaffigan
I'm kind of like a guy who's missing a little bit of the guy gene. Like, I love steak, but the notion of golfing is the last thing I would want to do. I love women, but I'm also a mama's boy, and some of my best friends are women. So I'm kinda half guy's guy.
Jim Gaffigan
Every now and then I'll read a book, I'll be so proud of myself, I'll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, Hey Jim, how ya do- I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages! That's great, what was it about? No idea! Took me three years!
Jim Gaffigan
That's not to say that I'm a well-informed Catholic. I'm still in idiot.
Jim Gaffigan
How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.
Jim Gaffigan