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Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Babies
Month
Mood
Baby
Months
Pretty
Antidepressant
Around
Antidepressants
Hard
Classified

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Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.
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Sometimes being lazy can get you in trouble. You ever not take a shower all weekend, just lounge around, then you're running late for work on Monday? There's always one person at work: Something smells like smoke in here! Uh, I went to a barbeque on Friday night. Only had 48 hours to take a shower. Busy.
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If I was on an airplane, the people in coach would know who I am. But no one in first class would know.
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Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?
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I'm much more interested in making people laugh than getting applause breaks.
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Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate... being alone.
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Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.
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Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in the kitchen.
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I'm there to make people laugh. I'm not trying to come across as sexy.
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I do have some Catholic stuff that is done from the perspective of an ignorant Catholic. But other than that, topic-wise, there's nothing really filthy.
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Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.
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I've had plenty of friends tell me that their first time doing stand-up, they do well, and then they tank for a while after that. Kind of like the first time you do a drug, you're like, Huh! This is pretty darn good, and then you spend all your money trying to get the same high.
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I guess the reasons against having more children always seem uninspiring and superficial. What exactly am I missing out on? Money? A few more hours of sleep? A more peaceful meal? More hair? These are nothing compared to what I get from these five monsters who rule my life.
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There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.
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Weight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.
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People treat having a kid as somehow retiring from success. Quitting. Have you seen a baby? They’re pretty cute. Loving them is pretty easy. Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant. Being happy is really the definition of success, isn’t it?
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The question is the primary form of communication for little kids.
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My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape.
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Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
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Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?
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