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Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Baby
Months
Pretty
Antidepressant
Around
Antidepressants
Hard
Classified
Babies
Month
Mood

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Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much.
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I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
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It's not as if ten years ago, we were like, 'I wish I could take low quality photos of my dessert.'
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Is there a homeless guy built in to the design of Dunkin' Donuts? ...There'll be an entrance here... a deranged lunatic here.
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I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.
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I always seem to be chosen to do very flattering things like the beard comb over or go to the bathroom with the door open on Sex and the City or be the guy people meow at in Super Troopers. It's great for self esteem.
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They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always treats you like you're taking from his personal stash. Looks like my kids aren't having ketchup tonight.
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When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.
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I do have some Catholic stuff that is done from the perspective of an ignorant Catholic. But other than that, topic-wise, there's nothing really filthy.
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When you have five little kids, you're not going to open Mindy Kaling's latest book. You're playing with your kids.
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You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! Hey I got a - who cares.
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The hardest part of the day is all the stuff after I open my eyes in the morning.
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I like that in my audiences, there's a lesbian couple sitting next to a Mormon family.
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I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.
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I would say that now I'm somebody who goes to church.
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Stand-up is so rewarding, and I enjoy the acting opportunities I've had, but the only time I really feel bad is when I feel like I have this manufactured belief that I should be doing something else or there should be some type of recognition. On an intellectual level, I know it's stupid.
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I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.
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My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.
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Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?
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