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Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Baby
Months
Pretty
Antidepressant
Around
Antidepressants
Hard
Classified
Babies
Month
Mood

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Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, Take that, Lipitor.
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How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.
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I worked on USA Today as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.
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My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
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I like that in my audiences, there's a lesbian couple sitting next to a Mormon family.
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It's kind of hard to articulate, but, like, this notion of mercy, forgiveness, was very appealing for me. It was very profound. And it had a deep impact, and I think it still does.
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Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?
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Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?
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I love writing stand-up so much and tinkering and looking for ideas.
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Is there a homeless guy built in to the design of Dunkin' Donuts? ...There'll be an entrance here... a deranged lunatic here.
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I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm gonna start blowin crap up. It's what the founding fathers would want.
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For stand-up comedians that go onstage and get to write and perform and direct, and do all these things, the allure of a television show is still there but if it doesn't offer a level of creative fulfillment, it's oddly unappealing.
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Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate... being alone.
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I'd have to say Sunset Salsa. Nothing against Honey Lime, but it's for losers.
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Be more assertive with what you want to do.
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My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape.
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I like bowling. It's just one of those things where I can do so many jokes about it because I do know bowling. Somebody once said, The whitest things in the world are Jim Gaffigan and bowling.
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Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive.' 'I'll have the bologna sandwich - dirty.'
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I'm kind of like a guy who's missing a little bit of the guy gene. Like, I love steak, but the notion of golfing is the last thing I would want to do. I love women, but I'm also a mama's boy, and some of my best friends are women. So I'm kinda half guy's guy.
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Boutique hotels are great, but they get too cute. Some hotels have shoe polish. It's like, come on, this isn't 1960. No one's polishing their shoes.
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