Buy me stuff and I'll be nicer

School prepares you for the real world... which also bites.

He giggled like a puppy being tickled by a kitten wearing a duckling costume.

Things Isabella Wouldn't Care About: - Titanic sinking again. - Metror striking Earth and landing directly on top of world's most innocent panda. - Titanic sinking again and this time the entire crew is puppies.

Kissing the frog to get the prince is a waste of a perfectly good frog.

This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us.

Homework strongly indicates that the teachers are not doing their jobs well enough during the school day. It's not like they'll let you bring your home stuff to school and work on it there. You can't say, 'I didn't finish sleeping at home, so I have to work on finishing my sleep here.

How Superheroes Make Money: - Spider-Man knits sweaters. - Superman screw the lids on pickle jars. - Iron Man, as you would suspect, just irons.

My pants cut the cheese. Let one fly. Baked a batch of brownies.

I can't imagine the scientists wanting me to walk into the lab and start fiddling around with some big bowl of electrons they had out.