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No encounter, mouth open up ... that is how the drug businesses see the general public.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Public
Encounter
Businesses
Encounters
Mouth
Mouths
Drug
General
Open
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Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.
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When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
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Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
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Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?
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When you've been in the business 5-years, as a person, it's like you're 5-years old - like a child. 10-years and you're 10-years old, 20... Etcetera. That's how I measure maturity in this industry.
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Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.
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A movie is kind of like being the captain of a ship, which is nice, but when I perform by myself it's just surfing on the water and nobody really knows what happens.
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The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. You never see anybody on TV just sliding off the front of the sofa, with potato chip crumbs all over their shirt.
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You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
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People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
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To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box.
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I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
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It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
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When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.
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Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.
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I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son
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Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message.
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