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Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Happen
Cows
Waiting
Milk
Stuff
Designed
Happens
Till
Done
Weird
Men
Wait
Baby
Calves
Drink
Nourish
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?
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Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?
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Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.
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It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.
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Men want to make women happy.
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When you've been in the business 5-years, as a person, it's like you're 5-years old - like a child. 10-years and you're 10-years old, 20... Etcetera. That's how I measure maturity in this industry.
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If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea? Could you envision the popularity of huge men in tiny bathing suits, pretending to fight?
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So the first time you hear the concept of Halloween when you're a kid your brain can't even process the information. You're like: What is this? What did you say? What did you say about giving out candy? Who's giving out candy? Everyone that we know is just giving out candy!
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Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
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You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture.
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I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.
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There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
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I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.
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Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
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Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.
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The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
Jerry Seinfeld
