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Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Happens
Till
Done
Weird
Men
Wait
Baby
Calves
Drink
Nourish
Happen
Cows
Waiting
Milk
Stuff
Designed
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
Jerry Seinfeld
The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
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It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
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Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later it's a relic.
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I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.
Jerry Seinfeld
I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.
Jerry Seinfeld
People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.
Jerry Seinfeld
That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
Jerry Seinfeld
Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
Jerry Seinfeld
The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.
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Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’
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Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
Jerry Seinfeld
A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
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What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
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I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
Jerry Seinfeld
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
Jerry Seinfeld
People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.
Jerry Seinfeld
Fear of success is one of the new fears I've heard about lately. And I think its definitely a sign that we're running out of fears. A person suffering from fear of success is scraping the bottom of the fear barrel.
Jerry Seinfeld
Why would anybody want a friend?
Jerry Seinfeld
