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Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Illegal
Okay
Space
Stall
Handicapped
Parking
Bathroom
Park
Parks
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.
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The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life.
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Economy is essential to all good art.
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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
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Let's examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He can't believe that you've accomplished this again. You walk in the door. The joy of it almost kills him. He's back again! It's that guy! It's that guy!
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.
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Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
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Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
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Every day when everybody would have lunch I would do TM [Transcendental Meditation] and then I would eat while I was working because I had missed lunch but that is how I survived the 9 years [of Seinfeld], it was that 20 minutes in the middle of the day would save me.
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The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. You never see anybody on TV just sliding off the front of the sofa, with potato chip crumbs all over their shirt.
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You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. There's a quarter....
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The best piece of advice I received before I got married was, Be careful what you say when you're in a fight, because it could stick in someone's head. I don't think I've ever said anything I really regretted. I'm very sympathetic to women. I've really studied wife-ology, and I know you've got to figure out the feelings. Deal with the feelings
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Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
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It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.
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That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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I love being a dad. I just love it.
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Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.
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On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
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