Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
Jerry Seinfeld
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Bathroom
Park
Parks
Illegal
Okay
Space
Stall
Handicapped
Parking
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son
Jerry Seinfeld
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
Jerry Seinfeld
Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?
Jerry Seinfeld
Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
Jerry Seinfeld
This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
Jerry Seinfeld
Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later it's a relic.
Jerry Seinfeld
I love advertising because I love lying.
Jerry Seinfeld
Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
Jerry Seinfeld
The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.
Jerry Seinfeld
Artists are always looking for new things and fresh ground and fresh air. If it feels new to me, there's a chance it'll feel new to the audience and we'll have found something.
Jerry Seinfeld
I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
Jerry Seinfeld
Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
Jerry Seinfeld
I love the day date. No wine, no shower.
Jerry Seinfeld
So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: What the hell, I'll just eat some trash.
Jerry Seinfeld
To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
Jerry Seinfeld
Why does that pharmacist have to be two and a half feet higher than everybody else? Who the hell is this guy? Clear out, everybody. I'm working with pills up here. I'm taking them from this big bottle and then I'm gonna put them in the little bottle. That's my whole job. I can't be down on the floor with you people.
Jerry Seinfeld
Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it.... I think that the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
Jerry Seinfeld
See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
Jerry Seinfeld
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
Jerry Seinfeld
Festivus for the Restivus!
Jerry Seinfeld
