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On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Attempt
Boxes
Side
Sides
Actually
Costume
Superman
Costumes

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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.
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Every day when everybody would have lunch I would do TM [Transcendental Meditation] and then I would eat while I was working because I had missed lunch but that is how I survived the 9 years [of Seinfeld], it was that 20 minutes in the middle of the day would save me.
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I'll tell you one of the great activities is skateboarding. To learn to do a skateboard trick, how many times do you gotta get something wrong til you get it right? ...And you hurt yourself, and you learn to do that trick, now you got a life lesson. Every time I see those skateboard kids, I think 'those kids'll be alright.'
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My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
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The peak of being a fan is a hotdog and a beer and a seat at the game. There's nothing above that. Nothing above it.
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A movie is kind of like being the captain of a ship, which is nice, but when I perform by myself it's just surfing on the water and nobody really knows what happens.
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I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.
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Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
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I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.
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That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'
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Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.
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Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
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Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.
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It's like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It's like having a charger for your whole body and mind. That's what Transcendental Meditation is!
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Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band on the back of that mask? That was a quality item there, wasn't it? That was good for about 10 seconds before it snapped out of that cheap little staple they put it in there with.
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Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
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A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
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So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: What the hell, I'll just eat some trash.
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Sex to save the friendship? Well if we have to we have to.
Jerry Seinfeld