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I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
House
Bookshelf
Crass
Bookshelves
Office
Nice

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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
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On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'
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What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
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Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message.
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Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
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So the first time you hear the concept of Halloween when you're a kid your brain can't even process the information. You're like: What is this? What did you say? What did you say about giving out candy? Who's giving out candy? Everyone that we know is just giving out candy!
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Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
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You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
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When you've been in the business 5-years, as a person, it's like you're 5-years old - like a child. 10-years and you're 10-years old, 20... Etcetera. That's how I measure maturity in this industry.
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Festivus for the Restivus!
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The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life.
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To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
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Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives.
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Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
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The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.
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The peak of being a fan is a hotdog and a beer and a seat at the game. There's nothing above that. Nothing above it.
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I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
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Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.
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Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
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But I don't want to be a pirate!
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