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Sex to save the friendship? Well if we have to we have to.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Sex
Wells
Well
Save
Friendship
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son
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I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?
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Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.
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I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.
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Everything is in how you are going to handle it. As a lifelong nightclub comic, I'm ready to handle whatever I have to handle.
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I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.
Jerry Seinfeld
[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody who's ... normal ... I'm not curious, I'm not interested.
Jerry Seinfeld
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
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Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
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Why would anybody want a friend?
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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
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I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?
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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
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I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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Men want to make women happy.
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There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
Jerry Seinfeld
Let's examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He can't believe that you've accomplished this again. You walk in the door. The joy of it almost kills him. He's back again! It's that guy! It's that guy!
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Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
Jerry Seinfeld
