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My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Learned
Wife
Funny
Dabble
Bigs
Accent
House
Accents
Around
Surprised
English
Daughter

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Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
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To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box.
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later it's a relic.
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Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message.
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Work is the least important thing and family is the most important.
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Artists are always looking for new things and fresh ground and fresh air. If it feels new to me, there's a chance it'll feel new to the audience and we'll have found something.
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It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.
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I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'
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A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
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And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.
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Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
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You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.
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Economy is essential to all good art.
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What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
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I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.
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I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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No encounter, mouth open up ... that is how the drug businesses see the general public.
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I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?
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The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.
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