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Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Oscar
Globe
Globes
Oscars
Golden
Cry
Nomination
Nominations

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People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
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There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'
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My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.
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That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
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If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
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I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.
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I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
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We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when the red light goes on.
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Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?
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I am speechless: I have no speech
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Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?
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Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it.... I think that the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
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Dogs want to be people. That's what their lives are about. They don't like being a dog. They're with people all the time, they want to graduate. My dog would sit there all day, he would watch me walk by, he would think to himself, I could do that! He's not that good.
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