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Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Golden
Cry
Nomination
Nominations
Oscar
Globe
Globes
Oscars

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If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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Every day when everybody would have lunch I would do TM [Transcendental Meditation] and then I would eat while I was working because I had missed lunch but that is how I survived the 9 years [of Seinfeld], it was that 20 minutes in the middle of the day would save me.
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The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life.
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Artists are always looking for new things and fresh ground and fresh air. If it feels new to me, there's a chance it'll feel new to the audience and we'll have found something.
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You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
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We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when the red light goes on.
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Why does that pharmacist have to be two and a half feet higher than everybody else? Who the hell is this guy? Clear out, everybody. I'm working with pills up here. I'm taking them from this big bottle and then I'm gonna put them in the little bottle. That's my whole job. I can't be down on the floor with you people.
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The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
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I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.
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Sex to save the friendship? Well if we have to we have to.
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Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
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Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.
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You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba.
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I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
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