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Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Cry
Nomination
Nominations
Oscar
Globe
Globes
Oscars
Golden

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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
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Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
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I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?
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I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son
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I am speechless: I have no speech
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I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.
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I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
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Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’
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Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Quit it.
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Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
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Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?
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When you've been in the business 5-years, as a person, it's like you're 5-years old - like a child. 10-years and you're 10-years old, 20... Etcetera. That's how I measure maturity in this industry.
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The truth is, the family is much more creatively nourishing because you're playing on a full keyboard. Whereas when you're single, you're just playing the upbeat jazzy tunes.
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