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Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Globes
Oscars
Golden
Cry
Nomination
Nominations
Oscar
Globe

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On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'
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You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture.
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I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.
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Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.
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People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.
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Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
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The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. You never see anybody on TV just sliding off the front of the sofa, with potato chip crumbs all over their shirt.
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I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there.
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We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when the red light goes on.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
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Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives.
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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
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Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light' but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
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Work is the least important thing and family is the most important.
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I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba.
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When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
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The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life.
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Having done quite a bit with studios and networks, I thought if I'm going to do something new and unformed, it would be fun to do it in a completely new space and place. The space being the Internet and the place being Crackle.
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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
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