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A chef who doesn't wash his hands is like a cop who steals. It's a cry for help.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Stealing
Cry
Help
Helping
Doesn
Steals
Hands
Wash
Like
Cop
Chef
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.
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That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill.
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You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
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Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.
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Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.
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I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
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Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Quit it.
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My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
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I love being a dad. I just love it.
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I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?
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Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
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People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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We want to do a lot of stuff we're not in great shape, we didn't get a good night's sleep, we're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.
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Everything is in how you are going to handle it. As a lifelong nightclub comic, I'm ready to handle whatever I have to handle.
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There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
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Let's face it, the human body is like a condominium apartment. The thing that keeps you really enjoying it is the maintenance. There's a tremendous amount of daily, weekly, monthly and yearly work that has to be done. From showering to open heart surgery, we're always doing something to ourselves. If your body was a used car, you wouldn't buy it.
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I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.
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I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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