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A chef who doesn't wash his hands is like a cop who steals. It's a cry for help.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Stealing
Cry
Help
Helping
Doesn
Steals
Hands
Wash
Like
Cop
Chef
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?
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That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill.
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?
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Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.
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Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.
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It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
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On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'
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Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
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Artists are always looking for new things and fresh ground and fresh air. If it feels new to me, there's a chance it'll feel new to the audience and we'll have found something.
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I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
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The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
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I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture.
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When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.
Jerry Seinfeld
