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That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Breakup
Build
Times
Three
Two
Take
Breakups
Immunity
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Cremation has become the most popular form of burial in the United States... People used to want a big, thick granite stone, their names carved into with a chisel. I was here dammit! Cremation is like you're trying to cover up a crime. Burn the body. Scatter the ashes around. As far as anyone's concerned this whole thing never happened.
Jerry Seinfeld
After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
Jerry Seinfeld
Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.
Jerry Seinfeld
Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.
Jerry Seinfeld
A movie is kind of like being the captain of a ship, which is nice, but when I perform by myself it's just surfing on the water and nobody really knows what happens.
Jerry Seinfeld
Fear of success is one of the new fears I've heard about lately. And I think its definitely a sign that we're running out of fears. A person suffering from fear of success is scraping the bottom of the fear barrel.
Jerry Seinfeld
Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.
Jerry Seinfeld
Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
Jerry Seinfeld
Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
Jerry Seinfeld
You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
Jerry Seinfeld
If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
Jerry Seinfeld
I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.
Jerry Seinfeld
The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.
Jerry Seinfeld
Let's face it, the human body is like a condominium apartment. The thing that keeps you really enjoying it is the maintenance. There's a tremendous amount of daily, weekly, monthly and yearly work that has to be done. From showering to open heart surgery, we're always doing something to ourselves. If your body was a used car, you wouldn't buy it.
Jerry Seinfeld
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Jerry Seinfeld
If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Jerry Seinfeld
Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’
Jerry Seinfeld
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
Jerry Seinfeld
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?
Jerry Seinfeld
