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Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Quit it.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Trying
Quitting
Going
Forth
Memory
Memories
Scout
Stop
Cubs
Actually
Bus
Running
Hats
Back
Quit
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
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So the first time you hear the concept of Halloween when you're a kid your brain can't even process the information. You're like: What is this? What did you say? What did you say about giving out candy? Who's giving out candy? Everyone that we know is just giving out candy!
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Work is the least important thing and family is the most important.
Jerry Seinfeld
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
Jerry Seinfeld
I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
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Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.
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Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
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The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.
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You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.
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I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.
Jerry Seinfeld
My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.
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Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
Jerry Seinfeld
Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
Jerry Seinfeld
So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: What the hell, I'll just eat some trash.
Jerry Seinfeld
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Jerry Seinfeld
Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.
Jerry Seinfeld
