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Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it.... I think that the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Truly
Life
Hair
Stop
Strapped
Hope
Messed
Didn
Ride
Ends
Breath
Breaths
Think
Throw
Thinking
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?
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It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
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There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
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Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs? Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
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A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later it's a relic.
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I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
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If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.
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When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.
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Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band on the back of that mask? That was a quality item there, wasn't it? That was good for about 10 seconds before it snapped out of that cheap little staple they put it in there with.
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Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
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Men want to make women happy.
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I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
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What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
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There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
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People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.
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I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.
Jerry Seinfeld
