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Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Groups
Looking
Getting
Working
Women
Wherever
Men
Anywhere
World
Group
Organization

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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
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The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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Let's face it, the human body is like a condominium apartment. The thing that keeps you really enjoying it is the maintenance. There's a tremendous amount of daily, weekly, monthly and yearly work that has to be done. From showering to open heart surgery, we're always doing something to ourselves. If your body was a used car, you wouldn't buy it.
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Having done quite a bit with studios and networks, I thought if I'm going to do something new and unformed, it would be fun to do it in a completely new space and place. The space being the Internet and the place being Crackle.
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People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.
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The best piece of advice I received before I got married was, Be careful what you say when you're in a fight, because it could stick in someone's head. I don't think I've ever said anything I really regretted. I'm very sympathetic to women. I've really studied wife-ology, and I know you've got to figure out the feelings. Deal with the feelings
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Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
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Economy is essential to all good art.
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Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?
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I love advertising because I love lying.
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I love being a dad. I just love it.
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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
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What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
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Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?
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Work is the least important thing and family is the most important.
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Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Quit it.
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The truth is, the family is much more creatively nourishing because you're playing on a full keyboard. Whereas when you're single, you're just playing the upbeat jazzy tunes.
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Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
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