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Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Groups
Looking
Getting
Working
Women
Wherever
Men
Anywhere
World
Group
Organization
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
I am speechless: I have no speech
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The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
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Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.
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Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
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Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
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Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
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I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.
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Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it.... I think that the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
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Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light' but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
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And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.
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Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
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I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.
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A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
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Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives.
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I'll tell you one of the great activities is skateboarding. To learn to do a skateboard trick, how many times do you gotta get something wrong til you get it right? ...And you hurt yourself, and you learn to do that trick, now you got a life lesson. Every time I see those skateboard kids, I think 'those kids'll be alright.'
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People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.
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