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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Time
Comedy
Italian
Like
Wife
Fats
Guy
Comedian
Socks
Talking
Unknown
Toughest
Funny
Singers
Sock
Night
Opening
Jones
Young
Jokes
Nights
Real
Grace
Nuts
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What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
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Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.
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That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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A movie is kind of like being the captain of a ship, which is nice, but when I perform by myself it's just surfing on the water and nobody really knows what happens.
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So the first time you hear the concept of Halloween when you're a kid your brain can't even process the information. You're like: What is this? What did you say? What did you say about giving out candy? Who's giving out candy? Everyone that we know is just giving out candy!
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I love being a dad. I just love it.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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But I don't want to be a pirate!
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Every day when everybody would have lunch I would do TM [Transcendental Meditation] and then I would eat while I was working because I had missed lunch but that is how I survived the 9 years [of Seinfeld], it was that 20 minutes in the middle of the day would save me.
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A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
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My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
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I love advertising because I love lying.
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It's like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It's like having a charger for your whole body and mind. That's what Transcendental Meditation is!
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