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I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Like
Staying
People
Chinese
Sticks
Aren
Comedy
Chop
Seen
Fork
Funny
Forks
Tell
Hanging
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
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Economy is essential to all good art.
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I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
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This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
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Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.
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I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.
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There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
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It's like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It's like having a charger for your whole body and mind. That's what Transcendental Meditation is!
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The truth is, the family is much more creatively nourishing because you're playing on a full keyboard. Whereas when you're single, you're just playing the upbeat jazzy tunes.
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I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there.
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Festivus for the Restivus!
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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
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