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I am speechless: I have no speech

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Speechless
Speech

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The truth is, the family is much more creatively nourishing because you're playing on a full keyboard. Whereas when you're single, you're just playing the upbeat jazzy tunes.
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People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
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Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’
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Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
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When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.
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No encounter, mouth open up ... that is how the drug businesses see the general public.
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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
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Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
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You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.
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Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Quit it.
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Success is the enemy of comedy.
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.
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Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?
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Why does that pharmacist have to be two and a half feet higher than everybody else? Who the hell is this guy? Clear out, everybody. I'm working with pills up here. I'm taking them from this big bottle and then I'm gonna put them in the little bottle. That's my whole job. I can't be down on the floor with you people.
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To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
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I love advertising because I love lying.
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I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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Work is the least important thing and family is the most important.
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