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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Sex
Ultimate
Laughing
Existence
Hard
Really
Diversions
Like
Diversion
Laugh
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
Jerry Seinfeld
Sex to save the friendship? Well if we have to we have to.
Jerry Seinfeld
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
Jerry Seinfeld
It's like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It's like having a charger for your whole body and mind. That's what Transcendental Meditation is!
Jerry Seinfeld
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
Jerry Seinfeld
I'll tell you one of the great activities is skateboarding. To learn to do a skateboard trick, how many times do you gotta get something wrong til you get it right? ...And you hurt yourself, and you learn to do that trick, now you got a life lesson. Every time I see those skateboard kids, I think 'those kids'll be alright.'
Jerry Seinfeld
They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.
Jerry Seinfeld
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
Jerry Seinfeld
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'
Jerry Seinfeld
Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
Jerry Seinfeld
Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?
Jerry Seinfeld
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld
The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.
Jerry Seinfeld
Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it.... I think that the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
Jerry Seinfeld
Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.
Jerry Seinfeld
Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff.
Jerry Seinfeld
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Jerry Seinfeld
I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
Jerry Seinfeld
Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.
Jerry Seinfeld
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?
Jerry Seinfeld