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I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Tired
Rich

More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

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The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. You never see anybody on TV just sliding off the front of the sofa, with potato chip crumbs all over their shirt.
Jerry Seinfeld
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This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
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Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it.... I think that the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
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Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
Jerry Seinfeld
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There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
Jerry Seinfeld
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There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff.
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Having done quite a bit with studios and networks, I thought if I'm going to do something new and unformed, it would be fun to do it in a completely new space and place. The space being the Internet and the place being Crackle.
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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.
Jerry Seinfeld
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What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
Jerry Seinfeld
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And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.
Jerry Seinfeld
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
Jerry Seinfeld
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Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
Jerry Seinfeld
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The best piece of advice I received before I got married was, Be careful what you say when you're in a fight, because it could stick in someone's head. I don't think I've ever said anything I really regretted. I'm very sympathetic to women. I've really studied wife-ology, and I know you've got to figure out the feelings. Deal with the feelings
Jerry Seinfeld
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Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
Jerry Seinfeld