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I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Tired
Rich

More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

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What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
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That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
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The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. You never see anybody on TV just sliding off the front of the sofa, with potato chip crumbs all over their shirt.
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Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
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Why would anybody want a friend?
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My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
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The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.
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I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
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Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.
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Every day when everybody would have lunch I would do TM [Transcendental Meditation] and then I would eat while I was working because I had missed lunch but that is how I survived the 9 years [of Seinfeld], it was that 20 minutes in the middle of the day would save me.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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Men want to make women happy.
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Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?
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Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’
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Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?
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Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.
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Having done quite a bit with studios and networks, I thought if I'm going to do something new and unformed, it would be fun to do it in a completely new space and place. The space being the Internet and the place being Crackle.
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