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I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Tired
Rich
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?
Jerry Seinfeld
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
Jerry Seinfeld
You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture.
Jerry Seinfeld
I love advertising because I love lying.
Jerry Seinfeld
A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
Jerry Seinfeld
Let's examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He can't believe that you've accomplished this again. You walk in the door. The joy of it almost kills him. He's back again! It's that guy! It's that guy!
Jerry Seinfeld
There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
Jerry Seinfeld
People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
Jerry Seinfeld
It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.
Jerry Seinfeld
Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’
Jerry Seinfeld
What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
Jerry Seinfeld
I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
Jerry Seinfeld
Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.
Jerry Seinfeld
Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.
Jerry Seinfeld
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Jerry Seinfeld
Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
Jerry Seinfeld
I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
Jerry Seinfeld
I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
Jerry Seinfeld
Work is the least important thing and family is the most important.
Jerry Seinfeld
That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill.
Jerry Seinfeld
