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I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Tired
Rich

More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

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A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
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Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
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Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
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You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture.
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Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.
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[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody who's ... normal ... I'm not curious, I'm not interested.
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If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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I love advertising because I love lying.
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You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. There's a quarter....
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Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light' but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
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I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba.
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People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.
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Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Quit it.
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The peak of being a fan is a hotdog and a beer and a seat at the game. There's nothing above that. Nothing above it.
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There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'
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Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?
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I love the day date. No wine, no shower.
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Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
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I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.
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