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A movie is kind of like being the captain of a ship, which is nice, but when I perform by myself it's just surfing on the water and nobody really knows what happens.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Nobody
Movie
Nice
Captain
Water
Captains
Happens
Surfing
Kind
Ship
Really
Perform
Like
Ships
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?
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The peak of being a fan is a hotdog and a beer and a seat at the game. There's nothing above that. Nothing above it.
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I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.
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A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
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Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.
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Why does that pharmacist have to be two and a half feet higher than everybody else? Who the hell is this guy? Clear out, everybody. I'm working with pills up here. I'm taking them from this big bottle and then I'm gonna put them in the little bottle. That's my whole job. I can't be down on the floor with you people.
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Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.
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A chef who doesn't wash his hands is like a cop who steals. It's a cry for help.
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Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.
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