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Everything is in how you are going to handle it. As a lifelong nightclub comic, I'm ready to handle whatever I have to handle.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Ready
Whatever
Everything
Going
Nightclub
Nightclubs
Lifelong
Comic
Handle
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
Jerry Seinfeld
I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
Jerry Seinfeld
Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
Jerry Seinfeld
So the first time you hear the concept of Halloween when you're a kid your brain can't even process the information. You're like: What is this? What did you say? What did you say about giving out candy? Who's giving out candy? Everyone that we know is just giving out candy!
Jerry Seinfeld
That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
Jerry Seinfeld
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Jerry Seinfeld
Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
Jerry Seinfeld
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?
Jerry Seinfeld
That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill.
Jerry Seinfeld
The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life.
Jerry Seinfeld
The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.
Jerry Seinfeld
Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Quit it.
Jerry Seinfeld
Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.
Jerry Seinfeld
People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.
Jerry Seinfeld
The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
Jerry Seinfeld
No encounter, mouth open up ... that is how the drug businesses see the general public.
Jerry Seinfeld
The peak of being a fan is a hotdog and a beer and a seat at the game. There's nothing above that. Nothing above it.
Jerry Seinfeld
Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
Jerry Seinfeld
When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.
Jerry Seinfeld
Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band on the back of that mask? That was a quality item there, wasn't it? That was good for about 10 seconds before it snapped out of that cheap little staple they put it in there with.
Jerry Seinfeld
