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I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Funny
Idiot
Running
Bottom
Problem
Watching
Program
News
Idiots
Along
Strip
Television
Programs
Read
Runs
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there.
Jerry Seinfeld
Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
Jerry Seinfeld
I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.
Jerry Seinfeld
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Jerry Seinfeld
It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.
Jerry Seinfeld
Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light' but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
Jerry Seinfeld
The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.
Jerry Seinfeld
I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.
Jerry Seinfeld
If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Jerry Seinfeld
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Jerry Seinfeld
They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.
Jerry Seinfeld
Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
Jerry Seinfeld
But I don't want to be a pirate!
Jerry Seinfeld
Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?
Jerry Seinfeld
You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.
Jerry Seinfeld
Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
Jerry Seinfeld
You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture.
Jerry Seinfeld
On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'
Jerry Seinfeld
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
Jerry Seinfeld
The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
Jerry Seinfeld
