Quote

Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Like
Cities
Cars
Everybody
Humorous
Hours
Driving
Space
Musical
Funny
Car
Parking
Night
York
Spaces
Around
Except
Sat
Way
City
Chairs

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If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
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I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.
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Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light' but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
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But I don't want to be a pirate!
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The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. You never see anybody on TV just sliding off the front of the sofa, with potato chip crumbs all over their shirt.
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Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.
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Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?
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People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.
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I love the day date. No wine, no shower.
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I am speechless: I have no speech
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Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.
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To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box.
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Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
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I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.
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When you've been in the business 5-years, as a person, it's like you're 5-years old - like a child. 10-years and you're 10-years old, 20... Etcetera. That's how I measure maturity in this industry.
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